January 2012
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who wants to come down my street and egg some christians
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I’ve squandered this.
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No matter how careful you are, there’s going to be the sense you missed...
– Chuck Palahniuk, Invisible Monsters
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CONTENTS OF RIFTEN SLUTS BEDROOM
1 x The Lusty Argonian Maid volume 1
1 x The Lusty Argonian Maid volume 2
4 x Stamina potions
2 x sets of leather straps
1 x set of bed-mounted shackles
and
1 x makeshift Horker Tusk dildo
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The Lusty Argonian Maid
Volume 1
Act IV, Scene III, continued
Lifts-Her-Tail: Certainly not, kind sir! I am here but to clean your chambers.
Crantius Colto: Is that all you have come here for, little one? My chambers?
Lifts-Her-Tail: I have no idea what it is you imply, master. I am but a poor Argonian maid.
Crantius Colto: So you are, my dumpling. And a good one at that. Such strong legs and shapely tail.
Lifts-Her-Tail: You embarrass me, sir!
Crantius Colto: Fear not. You are safe here with me.
Lifts-Her-Tail: I must finish my cleaning, sir. The mistress will have my head if I do not!
Crantius Colto: Cleaning, eh? I have something for you. Here. Polish my spear.
Lifts-Her-Tail: But it is huge! It could take me all night!
Crantius Colto: Plenty of time, my sweet. Plenty of time.
END OF ACT IV, SCENE III
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Volume 2
Act VII, Scene II, Continued
Lifts-Her-Tail: My goodness, that’s quite a loaf! But how ever shall it fit my oven?
Crantius Colto: This loaf isn’t ready for baking, my sweet. It has yet to rise.
Lifts-Her-Tail: If only we could hurry that along. How would I accomplish such a task?
Crantius Colto: Oh, my foolish little Argonian maid, you must use your hands.
Lifts-Her-Tail: You wish me to kneed the loaf? Here?
Crantius Colto: Of course.
Lifts-Her-Tail: But what if the mistress catches me? Your loaf was meant to satisfy her appetite.
Crantius Colto: Don’t fret, my delicate flower. I’ll satisfy the mistress’ cravings later.
Lifts-Her-Tail: Very well, but I’m afraid my oven isn’t hot enough. It could take hours!
Crantius Colto: Plenty of time, my sweet. Plenty of time.
End of Act VII, Scene II
undeadcritic:
Yeah… I’m not doing this.
tears in my eyes and i cannot stop laughing
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brilliant.
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Floyd.
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